On Monday, the tragedy in Boston unfolded and I was instantly transported to the summer of 2000 and walking those very streets during my career-path changing internship at Boston University. And I realized that was almost thirteen years ago...
On Thursday and Friday, we held our spring company meeting in Morristown, New Jersey. The hotel's gym was outside the hotel proper, but right next to the Headquarters Plaza movie theater. I laughed to a colleague about a couple of really bad dates right upstairs in those seats as we puffed away on elliptical machines. And I realized that was almost 23 years ago...
On Monday, I was added to a class page for my high school reunion next summer. Since I zoomed out of town in 1994, high school has been very distant from my day to day life. I keep up with a good number of my classmates via Facebook so I don't feel an intense need to find out what is happening by attending, however it brought me back to the halls of MTHS pretty quickly. And I realized that was almost 20 years ago...
And in the past few months, I have been thinking a lot about getting "back" to the pre-baby me. Getting my figure back. Remembering who I was before a child and a mortgage and wrinkles and a REAL job.
And I realized something else....
That person is gone and never to be found again. The girl who interned at BU and went on those bad dates and sang in the high school choir is not the me sitting in my pretty blue office next to my little boy's bedroom.
I have found that there are lots of changes happening for all of us every day - incremental and huge. Painful and simple. Wished for and despised. Self-imposed and thrown at us with force.
Sometimes they really hurt. But in the end, I believe they are good. Who we are now is to be celebrated - frown lines and all. Change is part of embracing life and parenthood and love and growth. Finding acceptance in change is one of the most difficult things we can do.
My brother is amazing to watch when it comes to change. I will never forget his College graduation. I kept looking for a wistful sign or a note of sadness, but he didn't show them. I asked him later why and he told me, effectively, that he was done and ready to move on to the next thing. He had a great run and it was time to go.
I think about that when I find myself holding on too tightly.
One of my challenges is to embrace the moment and I cannot possibly do that with my head turned to what is behind me.
xo friends...
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