Accidental Blessings

When I first got pregnant I thought there was NO WAY I was going back to work.  I spent 9 months telling myself "you never have to sit through a meeting like that again"... "you never have to put on another suit"... "this is  your LAST train ride and crappy Hertz car"...

My "Professional" Headshot

 

You see, I did not choose my profession.  I am a fundraising consultant 100% by accident. I have friends who knew they wanted to be doctors or teachers or journalists from the age of four.  Not me.  I tried on lots of hats throughout high school and college and my 20s.  All with tremendous external conviction.  I was going to be a journalist, a PR maven, an event planner, a student affairs professional...

Anything that let me be creative and in charge.

 

Oh - and I wanted to change the world. :o)

I knew what I wanted to DO but I had no idea what I wanted to BE.  

Somewhere between 18 and 34, I ended up falling in love with my profession and I didn't even know it. When faced with the choice of going back to work or staying home, I went back to work.  I am VERY VERY lucky - I work from home, set my own schedule, and have bosses who have profound and deep respect for family.  My job is in no way perfect, but in many ways it meets every element of my wish list.  I am creative and in charge and I help people.  Not every day, but most of the time.

 

Do I feel guilty?  Of course.  When I don't always know what M ate for lunch or exactly where the bruise on his knee came from or where he learned that song, I momentarily feel like I failed as a mother.  But I remember that he has caregivers who LOVE him.  And he gets to form relationships with Miss Sue, Miss Elissa and Miss Sara.  His world becomes larger and, just like all of us, when he is loved - his capacity to love others grows.

At Miss Elissa's Wedding

Right now it's 8:15 at night and I am on a train home from an afternoon of meetings in NYC. I left my house at 7am, just as M was waking up.  I said good morning and got in my car to get to Union Station. But tomorrow, I will be there for wake up and hugs and kisses and bedtime.  

I don't have a huge profound point this evening.  As I looked at the window of the train, I was counting my blessings.  For me, one of them is this: I am grateful that I have the opportunity to love my accidental happiness as much as the happily ever I planned for...

xo friends...