ENOUGH of this Nonsense

When you look at this picture,

what do you see?

I am almost positive, you will say all good things.  You might tell me that you are proud of me or that it looked very hot out.  No idea exactly what jumps to mind for you, but I am guessing you do not see the things I do.

When I look at this picture, I find every flaw.  I see my red face and sweaty hair and too big thighs, and inappropriate race cleavage.  

When I look at this picture, I immediately miss the fact that my dear friend and I had an awesome race.  We made great time on a hilly course and got to chat without interruption.  I even won free shoes at the festival afterwards.

I have been thinking about this picture a lot since I downloaded it from Sunday's race site.  I stopped myself thinking these mean thoughts on my run this morning and thought, "why do you do that?".

Is it so that I get the dig in on my appearance before anyone else has a chance?

 

Is it that I still hear the voices of the mean girls in Jr. high and high school picking on my clothes or bad perm or lack of trendy fashion?

 

Is it because I always see the bad before the good when it comes to myself?

 

Is it just realism and I need to accept it?

Whatever the reason, it's not OK.  It is not OK to be so hard on ourselves that we miss out on life. 

There are maybe 3 pictures of me with M from his first year of life.  There are about 1,500 pictures of him and many with John, but very few of me.  I was so ashamed of how I looked that I didn't want any photos taken.  And if they were, I had the good sense to delete them immediately.  But now my adorable son doesn't have tangible reminders of how very much he was loved that first year.  And there is something so sad about that.

We are not airbrushed models.  We are real moms and dads and friends doing real things.  We are children of God doing the best we can.

ENOUGH of this nonsense.

Just enough. 

xo friends...